Fear

"A Ship in a Harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are made for"-William Shedd

We wake up 40 years from now and realize everything we didn't have the time to do. Except that we did have the time and we did have the opportunity, but it's a lot easier to pretend we didn't than to tell ourselves the truth. What's the truth?

The truth is that we were afraid. That we lived our life thinking about everything that could go wrong and instead of deciding to take a chance we didn't stand up for ourselves. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, and even fear of success. We let fear get in the way. We let fear hold us prisoner.

We have a term for this...it's called a mid-life crisis and it is very common. Not everyone has one, but if we made up a term for it chances are most people do in some sense. The biggest problem is that by the time that crisis occurs and we start to blame all the "should of"s on fake reasons like time, its too late to truly fix the problem. Although many try: the brand new convertible, 20-something year old mistress. or other fillers that can temporary placate the emotions we feel about our "failure to live" don't actually satisfy the needs they are pretending to fill.

Why is it that we are a people controlled by fear? We are controlled by fear because we must protect ourselves and if something is scary we label it dangerous as well, even when that is not the case. For example, hitting on someone may result in getting rejected that's scary, I get it, but is it dangerous? Will it prevent you from living the rest of your life? and what exactly is the cost of not hitting on them? Because when you really break it down...living a life alone is just as scary as one person rejecting you, isn't it? "Lonely hearts are never broken" but they are still lonely. Associating negative consequences with danger or harm is just not logical.

What if you fail? Does someone die? Well maybe if you are a heart surgeon or Airplane Pilot, but liekely the answer is no. What happens is you fail, boo hoo, and then you pick yourself up and you try something different, or you find the mistakes that led you to fail and you fix them. The problem comes from our perception of failure, and when we change our perception we change our life.

The quote I began this post with has been one of my favorite quotes for a long time. I can't remember the first time I heard it, but I have seen it several times since. The message is simple, and yet most of us, including myself, ignore it. Safety takes priority and we don't do what we are made to do because we are so caught up in keeping ourselves away from risk. In a study of 80-90 year olds, 84% indicated that their biggest regret was that they didn't take enough risks. BIGGEST REGRET.. approximately 4 out of every 5 people. That doesn't mean that the 5th person doesn't have that regret too it only means they have another regret that is bigger.

So you have two choices: (1) live your life now, courageously face fear and fail, get rejected, get embarrassed, and make mistakes. Sounds scary, but there is another side to that because you also get to succeed, live a life, and make progress. or (2) you can wait until you are old and gray and relive your safe life over and over in your head wishing you could have been just a little more brave.

I'm not saying its easy, as a matter of fact, I am saying its hard. And anyone who knows me knows I am the queen of fear, so of course its hard for me as well. It's supposed to be hard because that's what makes it worth it.

The only fear we should let run our life is the fear that we will wake up one morning and realize we never really "lived"

If boys knew how to be romantic

We live in a world where women made up the rules of love and romance. Men, boldly attempt to follow the rules, but realistically FAIL MISERABLY. Which then gives us an excuse to complain and make up even bigger more complicated rules about how to fix things after they have messed them up.

What if boys knew how to be romantic? What if they were born with the ability to do exactly what we picture they would do? Well the truth is, we would make up more ridiculous rules that they would then fail. I know that this theory I have sounds odd, but let me explain my thought process.

I believe, that girls do not necessarily want flowers, expensive dinners, chocolate covered strawberries, and candlelight. Well scratch that of course we want that because it sounds so awesome, but why do we want that from men? why do they constantly have to prove their love with these little things? Well I think it is because what we want is a guy who is not like every other guy! Unfortunately, they are still a guy and they will still forget anniversaries and buy valentine's cards that are funny instead of romantic.

WE SET THEM UP TO FAIL! We make sure that what we want is the stuff most guys forget so that when they do remember it ends up making them ONE-OF-A-KIND. Even if it doesn't happen everyday, most men aren't completely clueless and will send flowers for no reason or light candles when you come home. So we keep making the rules and letting them get broken daily, because the days we get exactly what we want...WE GET TO BE A PRINCESS WHO HAS FOUND A PRINCE FROM A CROWD OF TOADS.

I wrote this in the 5th GRADE!

The Pursuit of Happiness?

We are littering the streets
with dreams and self-authored tales
Yesterday, I saw basketball star
behind the convenience store.
This morning Prima Ballerina
was on 1st and Main
choking on sewage in the gutter.
Crumpled up and barely shimmering
in the street lights.
We don't even notice anymore
as we drive by to our 9 to 5.
We are racing to the flimsy paycheck
that does disappearing magic tricks
and leaves us behind
the way we left President and Musician
so long ago.
We the people
have the right to pursue happiness,
but what about to attain it?

Believing in the invisible.

I was 9 years old the day I decided God existed. I was on the playground and Daniel H. kicked down a sapling tree and it broke in half. Being the environmentalist that I was, I ran to Ms. Johnson's classroom, grabbed duct tape out of her drawer, and returned to put the tree back together. It was a Friday so I was going to have to wait until Monday to check on my patient. That Monday morning I removed the tape little by little, revealing the sapling's two pieces completely connected. I decided that I had witnessed a miracle. The only one I had ever heard of before this was the birth of my baby sister, and since I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, this tree became the first miracle I believed in.
This morning, I was stopped to fill out a short survey on science as proof against creation. I refused. The gentleman quickly replied, "These are facts, you can't ignore facts. If you want to keep on believing in the invisible that's fine, but it's obviously wrong."
What is it about human nature that requires an answer for everything? Why is believing in the invisible seen as ridiculous? Science gives you answers, physical answers, whether they are right or wrong or interpreted correctly doesn't seem to matter. Still, science can't answer everything; FAITH can.
In my manuscript, Believing Windmills, I use the analogy of the windmills I used to watch on long trips with my family. The wind is in essence invisible until we see what it does, how it flows through the trees and through the windmills. We believe in wind don't we? Faith is believing that what you see is the result of the invisible as well as the physical. Faith is not needing facts to define the world around you.

Next time you pass a windmill, you can use a scientific measure of force and get out of your car to discover what is causing it to move, OR you can just BELIEVE.

It's been a while,

Mostly I just thought people weren't really reading this, but also I have been very busy!!!
Unfortunately, I had a thought (it happens), and I felt like typing it out and getting it out of my system.

This morning, I read a posting about collecting comments to find the top 20 reasons LA sucks. When I looked at the comments that were being left, 87% of the people had an LA zipcode that left reasons to hate LA. So I got curious, as I usually do, and I googled top reasons I hate living in.... What I found was lots of people hate where they live. I think I went through about 18 pages and then I got the point, we aren't satisfied.
If we are given the free-will to move anywhere we want, why are we all living in places we dislike? I mean in reality nobody forces you to live somewhere. So my question is, do we choose to live in places we hate or do we end up hating places in which we choose to live? and if the latter is true, then why don't we move? Is it an endless cycle that routine contact leads to discovering every negative aspect of something? In social psychology, we learn that the most difficult part of a relationship is from 6 months to 2 years. This is the point in the relationship where negative aspect of the other individual become most apparent and difficult to hide. We don't end every relationship at 2 years because we weigh the good and bad, and sometimes despite imperfection we find reasons to have lasting relationships. Just like people writing about why they hate Minnesota, the Bay area, Miami, small towns, big towns or New York still choose to continue to live there. So maybe what the list should really be is "The things about my town I hate having to deal with just because I love living in it".
No matter where you are from, you can find things about it that aren't good; if there were a perfect town out there it would eventually become so overcrowded that we would hate it for its perfection. The average individual is never satisfied. Instead of writing lists about everything that is great about where they live (I'm sure there are also plenty of those lists though), we choose to focus on negativity. What is it that is inherent in human beings that causes us to want what we don't have and find reasons to discriminate against what we do have. Do we just enjoy complaining?

The Snail Made it to Noah's Ark

When I was young and naive, I thought that getting somewhere meant getting there now. What I lacked was patience. Lots of patience. I thought that getting there last meant that I had not succeed, but someone always used to tell me "The snail made it to Noah's Ark too."

Back then, I did not know that what they were actually saying was beyond wise. Today I do. Success does not require that you be the first or the fastest. Success happens when it happens and even if you are the last one to get there, you still made it. We should be proud of the fact that we made it. There are many people that give up before they get there, and many that never even try to begin with. Sometimes speed is an advantage, like when there is one worm then yes the early bird gets the worm. In life though, there isn't just one opportunity, there are many opportunities.

The snail had patience. It watched the cheetah, zebra, lion, peacock, elephant, giraffe, duck, frog, horse, ardvark, rabbit, canary, bear, deer, monkey, ........, and even cockroach walk on board. Most people would get discourage and maybe even feel that there is no point anymore. Patient people don't. They won't give up, and not only that they turn it around and get inspired. They see others make it and they use it to spur themselves on.

In the world we live in, cluttered with instant coffee, microwaves, fast food, instant messages, and automatic teller machines, soon is not quick enough. We are taught to detest patience rather than respect and cultivate it. The snail is not our hero, he often is really not even worth a second thought. This is detrimental to our future, because instant can't happen all the time. Honestly, instant rarely actually happens at all. The things that really matter are worth waiting for. It sounds cliche, but when you've made it and the storm comes and washes out those that gave up it becomes a meaningful expression.

If you are living in memories instead of moments...

you are no longer really living at all. Remember how good things were back then, how uncomplicated and easy life was? Well cut it out!

This thing we are all experiencing, called life, its not about sitting around and missing or wishing for something in the past. The past girlfriend (the one that got away), the past high school or college friend (the one who could always get your crazy side out), the past success or failure, the past anything. They all have one thing in common: THEY GET IN YOUR WAY. Because when you are thinking about that girl that you let go, the girl that's perfect for you is staring you straight in the face, and when you are thinking about that past failure you can scare yourself out of your potential next success.

Today is a new day, and every morning you get a fresh start. Its a gift, don't throw it away. The more we sit and look back, the less we are moving forward. A professor of mine once said that when we are finding ourselves we are all in a forest. We can look at every tree and maybe even climb some and decide what we like about eat one. But then, we walk out of that forest one day and what we find is a cliff, a big huge scary one. We have three choices: run back into the forest, sit still on the cliff, or JUMP. Only one of these choices is living and unfortunately, its the scariest, riskiest and hardest choice, but the reward is worth it. We get to become our self. That inner thing that you spend your whole life trying to find. Well guess what? Its not impossible, there are just many things in the way to actually finding it. Things like the past.

Its easy to live in the past, its comfortable and it makes us feel good. This is partially due to the fact that we choose how we remember. All those things you love about the past you can choose to remember them most and so when you sit in the middle of the road looking back everything looks rather pleasant. If you turn around to the future, you can't see a thing and actually you are pretty much going in blind. BUT there is so much beauty hidden in the future. So much beauty hidden in LIVING and you can find it one moment at a time.

All you have to do is CLOSE YOUR EYES, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, AND JUST JUMP.